Thursday, October 6, 2005

You'll do.

A good pick-up line I just thought up while in the bathroom:

"Excuse me. I wanted to fellate myself, but I don't have a penis. Could I use yours?"

Hey. It might work.

Wednesday, October 5, 2005

Infomercials make me hungry.


UrineGone's powerful enzymes have an appetite for urine!

Tuesday, October 4, 2005

You can't act, bitch. Stop ruining good shoes.

I'm very sad to report that Keds, the shoes I loved as a child, have announced their new fall lineup, starring their new spokesperson: Mischa "I'm a Drunken Whore Who Can't Act" Barton. Her vacant smile and druggie mushroom gaze doesn't really do much for me, and I'm afraid I'm boycotting Keds until they come to their senses. Not like I've bought anything from them in oh, a decade, but it's the principle here. VOMIT.