Get a fruit buzz: the worst tagline ever.

If McDonald's offers to "hook me up" with a salad one more time, I can't be responsible for the consequences.

Never tickle a sleeping pole dancer.

I was just watching Soul Train (don't ask) and there was totally this woman on there, shaking her booty, working a Hogwarts track jacket. Nice.

Funny story.

Jason came over tonight and we were watching some Queer as Folk. Then I put in Aqua Teen Hunger Force to show him a couple of episodes, since he refused to see any show with "a talking milkshake" on previous occasions. But I made him. Anyway, it kept skipping and pausing of its own will, and it had nothing to do with the DVD, but with the player. So I took out the disc and blew hard inside of my DVD player to get the dust out or whatever to fix it (it's worked before), and then tried to play it again. It still skipped. So, in defeat, I took it out and said, "Sorry my DVD player's being all gay." Then I stopped, immediately looked over at him, and said, "Oh."

"Do you actually use that phrase? I hate people who use that phrase."

"No?"

"Good. Because we can't be friends anymore if you say that all the time."

Then he called something of mine straight, and I didn't get it at first, and then I did, but then I didn't laugh. You know.. because it didn't make any sense/wasn't-funny. Then later on he made me give him a massage. It was a weird day.

Just for the record.

Here are some good t-shirt/poster sayings I made up recently/today:

I'm a Closet Bush Supporter,
and I'm not talking about the president.
(with a woman peeking her head around a big pink triangle in the background)


VIAGRA:
Helping Fags Fuck Their Hags Since 1998


Why they're both homosexual in context, nobody knows. Thank you. So long, and good night.

Back off, bitch.

So, I have lots to update on.. but right now I just had to show everyone something. I have this pseudo-stalker who won't leave me the hell alone on AIM. He found me on facebook and he's way creepy. Anyway, he's from India and doesn't understand half of the sayings I use. At first it was tedious to explain everything I said, but now it's just plain annoying/amusing. I can't decide. Either way, he keeps relentlessly hitting on me and being all-around creepy. I'm never going to meet him for "coffee".. as he keeps asking for, so dude needs to lay off. I'm pretty much just being mean about it now. Anyway, here's part of the latest tedious IM for you all to enjoy:

LoserCreep (1:31:41 AM): yo theresa...whaddup
Theresa (1:32:51 AM): Uh, same as before
LoserCreep (1:33:01 AM): which was ?
Theresa (1:33:17 AM): At home
LoserCreep (1:33:22 AM): tri cities ?
Theresa (1:33:43 AM): yes.
LoserCreep (1:33:49 AM): ok...
LoserCreep (1:33:55 AM): or as the french would say
LoserCreep (1:34:06 AM): trie citie`
LoserCreep (1:37:26 AM): so, what else is going on ?
Theresa (1:40:35 AM): I'm cleaning.
LoserCreep (1:40:42 AM): yourself ?
Theresa (1:41:28 AM): Uh, my room
LoserCreep (1:41:41 AM): oh
LoserCreep (1:41:44 AM): i am disappointed
Theresa (1:41:50 AM): ok
LoserCreep (1:42:01 AM): you could have played along
LoserCreep (1:42:35 AM): we BOTH could have played along
Theresa (1:42:44 AM): *shudder*
LoserCreep (1:43:04 AM): so you are beginning to shudder
LoserCreep (1:43:07 AM): thats a good sign
Theresa (1:43:17 AM): If you say so.
LoserCreep (1:43:20 AM): in fact, thats exactly what I was thinking....you are playing along
LoserCreep (1:43:21 AM): good good
Theresa (1:43:36 AM): I think you need a dictionary.
LoserCreep (1:43:47 AM): i think you need to shudder some more
Theresa (1:44:17 AM): Oh, I have. I have.
LoserCreep (1:44:22 AM): EXCELLENT
LoserCreep (1:44:30 AM): throw in a moan and a groan somewhere in there
Theresa (1:45:05 AM): So, I'm guessing you're bored.
LoserCreep (1:45:44 AM): well, you are a very precocious, talented (*needless to say gifted and perceptive !!) teenager
LoserCreep (1:45:53 AM): slightly bored
LoserCreep (1:45:59 AM): couldn't sleep
LoserCreep (1:46:02 AM): well
Theresa (1:47:11 AM): Am I a teenager?
LoserCreep (1:47:21 AM): yes....you are younger than me
LoserCreep (1:47:26 AM): and I turn 27 tomorrow
Theresa (1:47:35 AM): Hurrah.
Theresa (1:47:41 AM): Doesn't make me a teenager though.
LoserCreep (1:47:47 AM): in my eyes
Theresa (1:47:50 AM): k
LoserCreep (1:47:52 AM): you are a teenager
Theresa (1:48:04 AM): Well, keep on living the dream I guess.
LoserCreep (1:48:15 AM): you better believe it
LoserCreep (1:48:19 AM): i dream of you EVERY NIGHT
LoserCreep (1:48:27 AM): sometimes during the day
LoserCreep (1:48:36 AM): boy, you sure guess right !!
Theresa (1:48:42 AM): I don't know how.
LoserCreep (1:49:00 AM): well, i don't think you want to get into my dreams
LoserCreep (1:49:04 AM): they are very LUCID
LoserCreep (1:49:33 AM): i mean, I am more than willing to go over my dreams with you......OVER SOME BEVERAGE(S)...
LoserCreep (1:49:34 AM): but alas
LoserCreep (1:49:37 AM): that ain't happenin
Theresa (1:50:44 AM): That's the spirit.
LoserCreep (1:50:58 AM): yes, thats the "spirit"
LoserCreep (1:51:10 AM): and I've had some generous doses of 'spirit' tonite
Theresa (1:52:32 AM): You don't say.
LoserCreep (1:52:43 AM): i don't say ???
LoserCreep (1:52:49 AM): i just did
LoserCreep (1:59:26 AM): cute bubbly young....
LoserCreep (2:12:21 AM): still cleaning ?

I haven't replied back and I'm not going to. Gah. Gross.